Women Wednesday: March 26, 2014

Dating

Hey, guys, it's Isabelle! Sorry this post is a day late, but........ today I thought we could talk about what the purpose of dating should be. I know this is kind of a heavy topic, and that's part of the reason it took me so long to write. :P So anyway, sorry for posting late! Hope you like the post! :)

Okay! So first off, what is chastity? Well, chastity, as defined by Webster’s dictionary is: 
"1. Refraining from sexual intercourse that is regarded as contrary to morality or religion; virtuous.  2.  Virgin.  3.  Not engaging in sexual relations; celibate.  4. Free from obscenity; decent: chaste conversation. 5. Undefiled or stainless: chaste, white snow." So...this definition isn't very sufficient. :P One of my favorite viewpoints of chastity is from Pope John Paul II. He said that chastity can only be viewed when associated with love. The reason for this is because if chastity is viewed as an act by itself detached from love, it can look like repression, prudishness, and so on. Chastity is a virtue that applies to our sexuality.  You cannot understand chastity if you do not understand love.

 Chastity is important for dating because, like I said before, chastity should be associated with love. If someone goes into a relationship with the wrong idea of what love or chastity is, the relationship can fail. Love is the giving of oneself for another, not an emotion. It should not be selfish. Love is not thinking about how you can benefit from another person or how they can make you "feel" emotion wise. And Chastity is a form of temperance that has to do with our sexuality. Because sex should be saved for marriage, chastity is just practicing this. Now chastity does not only have to do with our actions. A person can be chaste through their thoughts and words. Additionally, for women, dressing modestly can help men have chaste thoughts too. The reason that practicing chastity is important is because if a relationship is not chaste, it is easy for a couple to make the relationship a selfish one. I was at a talk were Jason Evert was the speaker, and he mentioned how he and his wife were featured on a BBC show that chased different freak shows around the world. The funny thing was, the show asked Jason and his wife on because they abstained from sex, and they agreed to do so until they were married. I remember Jason mentioned that at the end of the show, the host turned to the camera and said, "Thanks for watching, everyone, and join us next week when I visit a colony of vampires." What?! XD So apparently the idea of chastity is as strange to the world as vampires. :P The idea of chastity is so foreign to the world around us; it's crazy.

Now that we've discussed chastity a little bit, let's talk about what the right kind of love is for a relationship. People often confuse love with butterflies they feel when they see their crush walk into the room, or how their heart skips a beat when they make eye contact. However, this is not love; it’s attraction. People can become attracted to one another and then choose to love each other. This is the most important thing to remember when going into a relationship. Eventually, the warm and fuzzy feelings are going to fade away, and your crush, boyfriend, or spouse will get on your nerves. Does this mean that you are no longer in love? Absolutely not! After time, the giddy feelings of young love are replaced with a lasting sense of peace, calmness, and connection. Thus, when a couple is no longer in what is called the “honeymoon” stage, and the sparks seem to no longer be there, it does not mean that they have failed in their relationship.  It actually means the complete opposite! It means that the couple is ready to start a more serious stage in their relationship. A chaste love in a relationship should be about sacrificing.  A perfect example of a perfect love is that of Jesus Christ. Jesus loved the world so much that He was willing to die to save humanity.

Now, a lot of girls are wondering when they should start dating and are anxious to start finding love. One thing that I believe is that dating should be saved for after high school. But this is just a personal preference that I believe in and practice in my family. I have many friends who have started dating in high school and ended up marrying that person. However, I don't think that just because this one relationship worked out that dating in high school or younger should be the norm. :P One reason that I believe dating should be saved for after high school is because the purpose of dating should be to find your spouse. High school relationships can be superficial and meaningless. The reason for this being that high school teens can have a flawed view of love. Also, at such an early age, it can be hard to practice having a chaste relationship when peers and social media  tell us to do the complete opposite. And just a quick question, but am I the only one that thinks it is completely ridiculous when I see two ten years olds talking about how they are getting serious with their “boyfriend or girlfriends”?!  I mean what, did they go from watching Dora at their mom’s house to drinking juice boxes at the park? XD I mean, when you look at something like Disney channel and you see these ten-eleven year olds going on dates and talking about "being committed and taking it to the next level," it absolutely cringe worthy. These shows are telling younger kids today that it is perfectly okay to "try" a relationship out. Worst case: it doesn't work out, right? The sad thing about this is that  kids are slowly training themselves that it is okay to quit when it gets hard in a relationship. After they do this for a while throughout middle school, high school, and college, it is only reasonable to think that when they finally get married, they will think it’s okay to divorce their spouse when it gets hard, just like they have been practicing in the past.  Common break-ups are practically preparing teens for divorce.

 I have many friends who have been in multiple relationships. My friends always end up complaining how they feel that their boyfriend/girlfriend hasn't done enough to show their love. The sad thing about this is that some of my friends (acquaintances more like rather than friends :P) don’t realize that this isn’t how love works. Love is a two-way street; you have to give before you receive.  The relationships that I have witnessed usually entail a lot of unnecessary drama from both parties. You’re probably thinking, “Well, Isabelle, what about my science teacher who has been married for 46 years?  She said that she met her spouse in high school and it was love at first sight.” Here’s the thing.  Before we decide if love at first sight really exists, we have to define love.  If love is the act of choosing to do what is best for the other person, most people do not think about this when they lay eyes on a person. Our society around us doesn’t understand what true love even is. Attraction at first sight is real, but it doesn’t sound as magical and fanciful. People can become infatuated with each other and then choose to love truly and chastely. When they do this, their relationship can and will most likely work. Usually, when teens enter into a relationship today, it’s because they experience a warm and fuzzy feeling, assuming it is love. But they don’t realize that this isn’t love. The media nowadays tries to tell teens that it’s perfectly normal to go into a relationship prematurely. They make relationships look cool and fun. They also give false expectations to what a relationship can be like. The media tells people that if you aren’t feeling the lovely-dovey feelings, obviously your relationship is a bust and maybe you’ll have better luck next time. They make relationships look like a fantasy, where a boy meets a girl, and they live happily every after; no complications, arguments, disagreements, anything. While this may seem perfect, it isn't realistic. Love is such a beautiful thing. However, it is not always easy to navigate. There will be hard times, but with the grace of God and the right mindset, anyone can find love. A true love, a love worth waiting for. :)

Anyway guys, I could go on and on but sadly I have school and it's getting late. XD I hope you enjoyed this post! Make sure to like, comment and subscribe!

Much love,

Isabelle <3