How Not to Be a Fair-Weather Friend
(And how to see which of your "friends" are)
I'm sure we've all been there. Life seems to be spiraling downwards in a never-ending succession of events that seems to come straight from A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. And when we think things could not possibly get any worse than they already are, we turn to help from a close friend, someone whom we trust, only to have our hopes shattered as we discover that this friend is actually only a fair-weather friend.
Now, a few of you lucky people might inquire, "Who is this fair-weather friend you speak of?" Allow me to enlighten you. A fair-weather friend is someone who is always with you when you are laughing and enjoying the fun times. However, the minute a stormy cloud dares to darken that sunny horizon...she disappears instantly and suddenly, various excuses materialize when you ask if you can meet up to talk. Hence the term, fair-weather friend.
However, in my opinion, this is not truly a friend. This is more of an acquaintance, an associate. Honestly, someone who only talks to you for her own enjoyment is not worthy of the title of a friend. A friend, by definition, is someone who shares a mutual bond of affection. If you are always willing to support a friend, but that person has a list a mile long of "to-do's" when you are in need, what does that say about your "friendship"?
I can relate quite well with a Jane Austen quote in her novel Northanger Abbey: "“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” If you are my friend, I shall love you fiercely, and may heaven pity the person who dares to spread malicious gossip about a friend of mine in my presence. (Well, really, I'm actually a very meek person, but still. Don't do it. You will regret the day.) If you are truly friends with someone, you should care about her. You should care about her happiness. You should want to help her if she is upset or down. If a friend comes to me with a problem, I will try my hardest to help her sort it out, or I'll let her rant to me, or I'll supply a good hug, depending upon the issue. But the main point is, I'm there for her. And she is there for me. That is what friends do.
If you don't want to be a fair-weather friend, I'd suggest first trying to identify the reasons why you are friends with a particular person. Do you like hanging out with her because it's always fun? Do you enjoy spending time with her because she makes you laugh? If so, these are good things! But, do you only spend time with her when it's fun? Do you only spend time with her when she can make you laugh? If so, these are not good things. :P If a friend comes to you for help, she is probably taking a large leap of faith. I do not go to just anybody if I am confused or frustrated or in need of advice. I'll only go to those whom I actually trust. If someone comes to you with a problem, that is an immense compliment; she trusts you. Trust is not a gift anyone just automatically deserves. It is something you earn. I suggest you value this treasure. Do not betray it.
But how do you tell which, if any, of your friends is a fair-weather friend? This is a much harder task, because we do not want to believe such a horrendous thought, that one of our friends only talks with us because it is enjoyable for her, not because she actually cares about us. Our heart whispers, "This is foolish; all your friends are true friends. Don't think about this. It might cause you pain. It might hurt." Yes, it might hurt, but I believe that there are two types of pain in this world:
1. Bad pain. Pain that is caused by something that shouldn't be there, like an infected wound.
2. Good pain. Pain that occurs because you are going through a tough time, but you will become a better person afterwards.
In a case such as this, I would classify the pain as a No. 2. Yes, it might hurt, but a fair-weather friend will cause much more pain in the future when you go to that person for support or advice only to be deserted, or worse, ridiculed. If there is someone in your life who you think might be acting as a fair-weather friend, wait a bit. See what happens. If she is only there when life is sunny but can't be bothered to call you back when the storm clouds arrive, that is an issue. Maybe she is doing this unknowingly. Cautiously broach this topic with them. Say, "Hey, I just wanted you to know something because you are my friend and you deserve the truth. I feel...*state your feelings*." See what happens afterwards. If she becomes furious and argues that she never does such a thing, give it time as that might be just an initial reaction. But if she continues to act in the same way...well...I would suggest not trusting her with matters of importance. Don't rely upon her so much. It is what would be better for you.
If you don't want to be a fair-weather friend, I'd suggest first trying to identify the reasons why you are friends with a particular person. Do you like hanging out with her because it's always fun? Do you enjoy spending time with her because she makes you laugh? If so, these are good things! But, do you only spend time with her when it's fun? Do you only spend time with her when she can make you laugh? If so, these are not good things. :P If a friend comes to you for help, she is probably taking a large leap of faith. I do not go to just anybody if I am confused or frustrated or in need of advice. I'll only go to those whom I actually trust. If someone comes to you with a problem, that is an immense compliment; she trusts you. Trust is not a gift anyone just automatically deserves. It is something you earn. I suggest you value this treasure. Do not betray it.
But how do you tell which, if any, of your friends is a fair-weather friend? This is a much harder task, because we do not want to believe such a horrendous thought, that one of our friends only talks with us because it is enjoyable for her, not because she actually cares about us. Our heart whispers, "This is foolish; all your friends are true friends. Don't think about this. It might cause you pain. It might hurt." Yes, it might hurt, but I believe that there are two types of pain in this world:
1. Bad pain. Pain that is caused by something that shouldn't be there, like an infected wound.
2. Good pain. Pain that occurs because you are going through a tough time, but you will become a better person afterwards.
In a case such as this, I would classify the pain as a No. 2. Yes, it might hurt, but a fair-weather friend will cause much more pain in the future when you go to that person for support or advice only to be deserted, or worse, ridiculed. If there is someone in your life who you think might be acting as a fair-weather friend, wait a bit. See what happens. If she is only there when life is sunny but can't be bothered to call you back when the storm clouds arrive, that is an issue. Maybe she is doing this unknowingly. Cautiously broach this topic with them. Say, "Hey, I just wanted you to know something because you are my friend and you deserve the truth. I feel...*state your feelings*." See what happens afterwards. If she becomes furious and argues that she never does such a thing, give it time as that might be just an initial reaction. But if she continues to act in the same way...well...I would suggest not trusting her with matters of importance. Don't rely upon her so much. It is what would be better for you.
(Relevant quote from a president cause I'm a nerd.)
Well, I hope y'all enjoyed today's post! :) Leave a comment on how school is going for you and whether you liked the post. I'd appreciate it! Love y'all! <3 ~Mercy
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