As most of you are most likely aware, I am a senior this year, which means right now, I'm in the process of trying to choose a college, going on college visits, filling out scholarship applications, etc. Fun stuff. *coughumnocough* But throughout this dreadfully long, slightly dreary process, I've realized something.
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving my home of the past 16 (going to be 17 by that time) years, and I'm embarking on my own, into a place completely unknown, to take care of myself and lead my own life, independent of mostly all authority for the first time ever. If this description doesn't scare you at least the teeniest bit, you are probably not totally human. (I'm joking, I promise, you are all one hundred percent human, you are just a lot more confident than I am. xD) But where am I going with this apparently nonsensical post? Well, let's see, shall we?
In college, I have the option to...um...date whomever I want. The cute guy who lives in the dorm a few floors down? If I please. The intellectual sophomore from English class who asks if I'd like to grab a coffee as we go over The Iliad together? If I'd like. The musical young man from choir who joyfully discovers we have the same taste in music? If I say yes.
Do you see where I'm going with this? Pretty much, when I'm in college, if a guy asks me out, I have the free will to say yes or no, totally as I please. There are no parents to tell me, "Hey, Mercy, I don't approve of that one." Or brothers to tell me, "I will pulverize that creep if he breaks your heart." I am completely on my own. I must make my own decisions. With these decisions comes a lot of responsibility. So, here for you and for me are my top tips. :)
If you know me, you know I am pretty much the dictionary description of indecisive. I also hate rejecting people because I feel guilty for hurting their feelings. These are two feelings I cannot allow myself the pleasure of entertaining in college. Not only will they harm me, they will also harm the guys who are interested in me. Let me elaborate. Let's say...Josh, a cute sophomore, asks me out to dinner and a trip to the museum (much better than a movie, btw). But I'm really not interested. I should not drag it out and say, "Wow, I'd love to, but I need to check my calender and get back to you. Alright?" and then repeating it next time he asks. Instead, I should say right out, "No, I'm sorry, but while I love talking to you as a friend, I'm not interested in the dating scene at the moment." Or something of the sort. I have no experience, if you can't tell already. xD Please, don't lead a guy's heart on just because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Men are strong! They would appreciate being told directly that you aren't interested than being dragged along like a puppy on a leash.
So, first point: 1. Be direct and decisive, but kind.
My second point is about standards. I am sure there will be lots of nice guys wherever I go. Does this mean I should just accept whoever asks me out to ensure that I don't end up an old maid? NO MA'AM. Girls, you should establish some standards for yourself which the guys have to live up to or aspire to reach. The more we lower our standards, the less men try. One of my favorite quotes says, "I often wonder if more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentlemen." I've also noticed that if I present myself in a certain manner (ladylike, modest, don't condone language, kind, etc.), I will receive a more positive reaction than a girl who presents herself differently (crude humor and language, not very ladylike, etc.). This proves to show that the higher our standards are, the harder men will try to reach them. So, you might ask, what type of standards are you talking about, Mercy? Let me elaborate.
1. Catholic, clearly.
2. Gentleman. Read this article. :)
3. Loves families, no matter the size.
4. Respectful of all women, especially his mother and sisters.
5. Strong morals.
I think those are my top five. While the following standards might differ girl to girl, I think these are pretty universal standards for most of my lovely readers. :)
Thus, my second point: 2. Have standards. Do not lower them because your friends tease you about being forever lonely. You deserve better.
Now, some of you may laugh at my next point, but I like it! I read this Catholic courtship book recently, and it advised that if a guy seriously wants to start dating/courting you, ask him to call your father. You might think, "What? That's so old-fashioned!" But really, think about this. If the guy is truly serious and interested in you, he will call your dad. And if he isn't, well, he won't, but would you really want to go out with him then? If he respects you and your wishes enough (which he should), he'll call your dad. Also, your dad is much older than you (and much wiser) and he is a GUY. He knows how their minds think. He'll be able to see which men are truly serious and which are just playing around. He'll weed out the bad ones. If a man does not respect me enough to call my dad before seriously dating me, he is not worth my time nor my affections. Our hearts are not to be played with. If your dad isn't around, the guy can call your brother, your grandpa, your uncle, even a close guy friend whom you trust. This is a type of test. Use it!
3. Request that he call your dad. This is a test, and he must pass to win a date.
Girls, something I can never say enough is, LET THE MAN PURSUE YOU. Maybe it's old-fashioned, maybe girls are asking guys to prom now and asking them out to movies, and I'm not saying that's wrong! But at least for the first few dates, let the man do the asking. As far as I've heard, guys like to do the asking. They like to pursue the girl. Our hearts are a treasure; do not hand them away to whoever would accept them. Let him ask; make him try. I'm not saying play "hard to get." I'm not sure that's a wise technique. What I'm saying is don't throw yourself out there. If a guy is truly interested, he'll ask and he'll be persistent. That's what we want, right?
4. Pretend you're in a black and white film and let the man pursue you. If it worked for your great-grandparents and your grandparents and your parents, it will work for you. :)
My last one is of a bit more serious nature. If ever, ever you start to see red flags about a relationship you are presently in, talk to your parents, talk to your priest, talk to someone wiser than you, and then, if you have thought and prayed about this, leave. If he pressures you to disregard your morals, that's a red flag. If he is making crude and disrespectful jokes about women, that's a red flag. If he is disrespectful to his parents and/or yours, that's a red flag. If you say no and he doesn't respect it, that's a major red flag. Red flags equal danger; danger is not good for you. No matter how much he likes you or how much you like him or how much he begs you to stay, listen to your instincts. The longer you continue the way you are, the harder it will be to end it. If you or your parents are beginning to think this is not the man God is calling you to marry, you both need to sit down and have a very serious talk. Of course, it won't be pleasant, but you need to brave it.
5. Red flags = danger. If there's a red flag, talk to someone you trust. This may result in a very uncomfortable conversation with your boyfriend.
Well, there y'all go! Those are my five top points for dating, whether you are in a relationship now or you won't be entering into one for at least a few more years. :) Either way, I suggest keeping this article in mind! I need to, especially, with college in the future... *shivers* Such a weird thought.
And now a couple of my favorite quotes, because you know me. ;)
And in the meantime....
To recapitulate:
1. Be direct and decisive, but kind.
2. Have standards. Do not lower them because your friends tease you about being forever lonely. You deserve better.
3. Request that he call your dad. This is a test, and he must pass to win a date.
4. Pretend you're in a black and white film and let the man pursue you. If it worked for your great-grandparents and your grandparents and your parents, it will work for you. :)
5. Red flags = danger. If there's a red flag, talk to someone you trust. This may result in a very uncomfortable conversation with your boyfriend.
Hope y'all enjoyed! Have a wonderful day! Love y'all! <3 ~Mercy
If you know me, you know I am pretty much the dictionary description of indecisive. I also hate rejecting people because I feel guilty for hurting their feelings. These are two feelings I cannot allow myself the pleasure of entertaining in college. Not only will they harm me, they will also harm the guys who are interested in me. Let me elaborate. Let's say...Josh, a cute sophomore, asks me out to dinner and a trip to the museum (much better than a movie, btw). But I'm really not interested. I should not drag it out and say, "Wow, I'd love to, but I need to check my calender and get back to you. Alright?" and then repeating it next time he asks. Instead, I should say right out, "No, I'm sorry, but while I love talking to you as a friend, I'm not interested in the dating scene at the moment." Or something of the sort. I have no experience, if you can't tell already. xD Please, don't lead a guy's heart on just because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Men are strong! They would appreciate being told directly that you aren't interested than being dragged along like a puppy on a leash.
So, first point: 1. Be direct and decisive, but kind.
My second point is about standards. I am sure there will be lots of nice guys wherever I go. Does this mean I should just accept whoever asks me out to ensure that I don't end up an old maid? NO MA'AM. Girls, you should establish some standards for yourself which the guys have to live up to or aspire to reach. The more we lower our standards, the less men try. One of my favorite quotes says, "I often wonder if more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentlemen." I've also noticed that if I present myself in a certain manner (ladylike, modest, don't condone language, kind, etc.), I will receive a more positive reaction than a girl who presents herself differently (crude humor and language, not very ladylike, etc.). This proves to show that the higher our standards are, the harder men will try to reach them. So, you might ask, what type of standards are you talking about, Mercy? Let me elaborate.
1. Catholic, clearly.
2. Gentleman. Read this article. :)
3. Loves families, no matter the size.
4. Respectful of all women, especially his mother and sisters.
5. Strong morals.
I think those are my top five. While the following standards might differ girl to girl, I think these are pretty universal standards for most of my lovely readers. :)
Thus, my second point: 2. Have standards. Do not lower them because your friends tease you about being forever lonely. You deserve better.
Now, some of you may laugh at my next point, but I like it! I read this Catholic courtship book recently, and it advised that if a guy seriously wants to start dating/courting you, ask him to call your father. You might think, "What? That's so old-fashioned!" But really, think about this. If the guy is truly serious and interested in you, he will call your dad. And if he isn't, well, he won't, but would you really want to go out with him then? If he respects you and your wishes enough (which he should), he'll call your dad. Also, your dad is much older than you (and much wiser) and he is a GUY. He knows how their minds think. He'll be able to see which men are truly serious and which are just playing around. He'll weed out the bad ones. If a man does not respect me enough to call my dad before seriously dating me, he is not worth my time nor my affections. Our hearts are not to be played with. If your dad isn't around, the guy can call your brother, your grandpa, your uncle, even a close guy friend whom you trust. This is a type of test. Use it!
3. Request that he call your dad. This is a test, and he must pass to win a date.
Girls, something I can never say enough is, LET THE MAN PURSUE YOU. Maybe it's old-fashioned, maybe girls are asking guys to prom now and asking them out to movies, and I'm not saying that's wrong! But at least for the first few dates, let the man do the asking. As far as I've heard, guys like to do the asking. They like to pursue the girl. Our hearts are a treasure; do not hand them away to whoever would accept them. Let him ask; make him try. I'm not saying play "hard to get." I'm not sure that's a wise technique. What I'm saying is don't throw yourself out there. If a guy is truly interested, he'll ask and he'll be persistent. That's what we want, right?
4. Pretend you're in a black and white film and let the man pursue you. If it worked for your great-grandparents and your grandparents and your parents, it will work for you. :)
My last one is of a bit more serious nature. If ever, ever you start to see red flags about a relationship you are presently in, talk to your parents, talk to your priest, talk to someone wiser than you, and then, if you have thought and prayed about this, leave. If he pressures you to disregard your morals, that's a red flag. If he is making crude and disrespectful jokes about women, that's a red flag. If he is disrespectful to his parents and/or yours, that's a red flag. If you say no and he doesn't respect it, that's a major red flag. Red flags equal danger; danger is not good for you. No matter how much he likes you or how much you like him or how much he begs you to stay, listen to your instincts. The longer you continue the way you are, the harder it will be to end it. If you or your parents are beginning to think this is not the man God is calling you to marry, you both need to sit down and have a very serious talk. Of course, it won't be pleasant, but you need to brave it.
5. Red flags = danger. If there's a red flag, talk to someone you trust. This may result in a very uncomfortable conversation with your boyfriend.
Well, there y'all go! Those are my five top points for dating, whether you are in a relationship now or you won't be entering into one for at least a few more years. :) Either way, I suggest keeping this article in mind! I need to, especially, with college in the future... *shivers* Such a weird thought.
And now a couple of my favorite quotes, because you know me. ;)
To recapitulate:
1. Be direct and decisive, but kind.
2. Have standards. Do not lower them because your friends tease you about being forever lonely. You deserve better.
3. Request that he call your dad. This is a test, and he must pass to win a date.
4. Pretend you're in a black and white film and let the man pursue you. If it worked for your great-grandparents and your grandparents and your parents, it will work for you. :)
5. Red flags = danger. If there's a red flag, talk to someone you trust. This may result in a very uncomfortable conversation with your boyfriend.
Hope y'all enjoyed! Have a wonderful day! Love y'all! <3 ~Mercy
8 comments:
Oh Mercy!!! This was spot on! I'm going through the same stage as you about the whole "being on my own in a few months." It can be an overwhelming time but it can also be a time of growth. You will be in my prayers.
Hey Mercy! Congrats! Finishing high school is an amazing accomplishment! I will be praying for you on your journey. I can't thank you enough for this post! I'm really glad to know that I'm not the only one who has high standards compared to most girls today. Keep up the good work ^^
I can't figure out how to reply directly to y'all's comments because I'm not very good at technology but ANYWAY. xD
Thank you so much, Grace! I'll definitely keep you in my prayers, too! This time can definitely be overwhelming, but it's really given me to time figure out who I am and what matters to me, so it's definitely a time of growth .:)
Thank you so much, too, Olivia! I appreciate the prayers so much! You are definitely not alone. Now, if we can just get the rest of those girls to raise their standards... ;) Thank you for your kind word! :)
Thanks a lot Mercy! Of course, I'm reading this from a guy's perspective, but it was really helpful and impressive! :)
I only just recently discovered your blog...it is amazing! This was such an inspiring post and I wish everyone could know the stuff that you know. Keep doing what you're doing!
Hey, Gracie!! I'm so glad you enjoyed my post! :) Thank you so much for your encouraging words! They mean so much to all of us! God bless! <3
I just found out about this blog today and I must say it is AMAZING!!! Great job, Mercy!
Thank you so much, Carolina!! :) I'm so glad you love it!!!
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